Your First Ten Pages
Round Robin time again! Skye, our redoubtable convener, has selected "The first ten pages... what to include to catch an editor's attention" as the topic.
Hereby...
One. Start with a catchy first line or paragraph. Don't mention the weather unless it is unusual. Here are a few opening lines from some of my stories, with annotation.
My ex is alive and living in 1570.
That’s my opening statement. Please—may we not proceed with quips, exclamations, accusations of delusion, sneers and rationalisations? Been there, done that, and have the tee-shirt to prove it. See?
Does this catch your attention? It's supposed to. The narrator makes a statement that sounds as if it can't be true. Then she admits the fact. Would you read on?
***
Name: Harry Fejoa
DOB: 25-11-2207
POB: Greater Southern
Ethnicity: Euro-Greater Southern 60%
Qualifications: Physician: specialising in exotic diseases and
counselling
N.O.K.: Flavia Neal
Harry filled them in
with his hand on autopilot. His mind was busy asking itself why it had to be
done by hand. Had these people never heard of voca-forms? They’d been around
for long enough to lose their capital letter and become a generic noun.
This one presents the main character filling out a form. That might sound ho-hum, and indeed he thinks it is, but his responses tell us he's living in a future where a lot has changed, but the tedium of forms has not. Got your attention?
***
Oliver
Farnorth was so angry his brain had little room for anything but fury.
The very idea.
Who does she think she is?
Who does she think I am?
What in dog’s name makes her think I—
The thoughts whirled about like something
from a magician’s apprentice’s nightmare.
Oliver wanted to grit his teeth, but he was
afraid of biting his tongue.
Someone knocked on the door.
Go away.
The knock came again.
Go away.
Bang!
The knock was going nowhere.
Introducing someone in a proper toothgritting rage... except that would be dangerous to his tongue. And someone's at the door, demanding attention. Got your attention?
***
Max and Anjelica Harris had music
in their veins.
Other people
might cut themselves and ooze red, but Sibella was convinced that her parents
would bleed the tonic sol-fa.
It was a
ghoulish notion, but that was Sibella all over. Half-past normal, she sometimes
thought.
Luckily, no one
seemed to notice.
This one introduces the child of two talented parents. Now that's a disaster waiting to happen, right? Got your attention?
TWO:
This is not so much what to do, as what not to do. Don't dump a whole lot of information on your reader. Set the scene with an opening declaration about what sort of story this is, and get into an interesting situation. From the openings above, we perceive that Character 1 has an unbelievable tale to unfold. Her ex is living in the 16th century. Character 2, Harry, is filling in a form in the future. Forms in the future? Really? We won't escape bureaucracy? Character 3, Oliver is in a rage. Why? And who is disurbing him? Character 4 feels isolated in a talented family. Three of the samples start with a short, strong statement. The other one presents answers to questions... None starts by telling us who the four characters are, how old they are, what they look like etc. We get their names (except for 1, who is a first-person narrator) and their current situations.
THREE:
Don't just give the facts and the action; give some insight into personality. These four are indignant, exasperated, furious and feeling out-of-step. No one is just calm and smiling. With the emotion, give them a good reason for it. They shouldn't be angry for no reason.
FOUR: Your ten pages should be meticulously edited, properly spelled, lack grammatical slips and dull patches. They need to have their faces clean and their shoes polished.
So, there you are! To see what my fellow robins have come up with, visit them at the links below.
Great advice to include emotion, especially strong emotions that grab the reader.
ReplyDeleteYes... it's unfortunate from my POV that anger and exasperation are more likely to grab attention than happiness...
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